Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
