if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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