Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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