My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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