So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
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