he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
