After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
