We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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