its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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