UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
