I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
