I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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