So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
