Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
