I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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