dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Randomize
