Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
