You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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