My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
