...so i touched it.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
