I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
