Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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