It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
