i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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