Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
My friends, they love my intelligence
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
