Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
