I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
