I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
