once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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