I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
