Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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