He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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