You made me cry and you don't even care
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
