every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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