Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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