Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
