New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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