Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
