We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
