I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
