Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
