Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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