Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
