porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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