Hey man sorry I got all grabby
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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