honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
