My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
