WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
