I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
