I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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