so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
