i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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