i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
