these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
