There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
