Define "chronic" masturbator.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
