yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize