I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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