you turned your livingroom into a bong?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The feeling are messing with the penis
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
