I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
