i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
