i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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