I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
