i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
