When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
