Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
