oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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