im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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