I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
