OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Randomize