he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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