i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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