Don't make out with my wife yet
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
