IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
