what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
