oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
