I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
