Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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