I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just gargled with NyQuil
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
