just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
