I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize
