you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Please don't give away my fajitas
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
