just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
