I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
