did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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