Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
tell me about the fingering
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
