I'm really into asian looking animals
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
