I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
