If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
