i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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