i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Non-Jews are for practice
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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