Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
