I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
