at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Be still, my beating vagina.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
