I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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