This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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