Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
